I've got Whozits and Whatnots galore...

Random Fact: If I could only eat one thing for the rest of my life, it would be bagels and cream cheese.

IT. HAS. ARRIVED. Furry, friendly, lovable, and blue. My Muppet. Or more accurately, my dream.

My formative years were spent watching and adoring the Muppets. From The Muppet Show to Sesame Street to Fraggle Rock, I was an avid fan of all Jim Henson had to offer. I can recall sitting on the small piece of brown masking tape that my mom placed on the living room floor as a guide so my sisters and I wouldn't sit too close to the TV and watching Jim Henson classics such as "Follow That Bird," "The Great Muppet Caper," and "The Muppets Take Manhattan." Kermit was reliable, Miss Piggy was glamorous, and Fozzie was a lovable loser. I didn't just want Muppet friends, I wanted to be a Muppet.

I've often daydreamed of being immersed in the life of Muppets. What would Ann Lindsay look like as a Muppet? Perhaps the Swedish Chef and I would spend an afternoon in the kitchen together. Maybe I would set Sara up on a date with Gonzo, or arrange an internship for Grace with Dr. Bunsen Honeydew. I assumed those daydreams would be just that- daydreams, until FAO Schwartz blessed me with the Jim Henson Muppet Whatnot Workshop.

According to Muppet Wiki, Muppet Whatnots are blank Muppet heads onto which facial features, bodies, and clothes are added to make any kind of character in the Muppet universe. Basically, Whatnots are the 'extras' in Muppet movies and shows. This was my chance!!! With careful and painstaking consideration, I would create the Muppet I longed to be. I could simultaneously become a certified Muppet AND cross something off the list of my life goals. Until recently, the list I've created detailing my life goals was somewhat abstract and largely unattainable. It goes a little something like this:

1. Meet, woo, and marry Sir Paul McCartney

2. Learn Spanish

3. Be a character on Family Guy

4. Become a Supreme Court Justice

5. Publish a book

6. BECOME A MUPPET

7. Name my first born Albus Dumbledore
8. Be awesome

9. Own a bakery with my sissys

10. Be Oprah Winfrey

11. Create a recipe that starts with "Ann's famous..."

12. Be mentioned in TIME Magazine's Obituaries (this one's a little morbid)

Ok, maybe some of these are attainable. #2 and maybe even #5 are do-able. And obviously I've achieved and surpassed #8 when I became a Muppet (#6). Now some might ask, "How much did that Muppet cost?" to which I would reply, "You can't put a price on a dream!! And if you could it would cost too much so I don't wanna talk about it." The fact of the matter is that I most likely would have paid any price to have a Muppet created in my likeness.

But as indisputably awesome as the Muppet is, it's not the Muppet itself that's exciting, it's the fact that one of my ridiculous goals is actually attainable. Before this muppet, I knew that the likelihood of being Oprah Winfrey or a Supreme Court Justice was slim. However, I still included them on my list as a reminder of what I could maybe possibly in the very unlikely future aspire to. But this Muppet changes everything. If I can be a Muppet, is there anything I can't be?

I should have known that it would be a Muppet that would bring a little optimism into my confused life. Who else but Gobo Fraggle has advised me to dance my cares away and leave worries for another day? Sure, the Muppet didn't answer any of my burning questions like, "What the hell am I doing with my life?" or "What do blind people see when they dream?" but it gives me hope that perhaps I'll find the answer somewhere, like FAO Scwartz. And Paul, if you're reading this, call me.